Because love is the element of marriage, and marriage is responsible love.
I don't know if you have found that no matter how romantic and beautiful love is, when it comes to marriage, it is mixed with a lot of realistic factors.
responsibility, trifles, quarrels, mediocrity, all the cruel and bad words you can imagine can appear in marriage.
that's why I have that feeling: love and marriage are two different things.
because love is an element of marriage, and marriage is responsible love.
if you decide to get married, or if you are struggling with confusion in a siege, you must know these three hurdles.
relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
whether marriage is good or not depends not only on the relationship between husband and wife, but also on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
A good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can enhance the love between husband and wife and family harmony, while a bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can become a major hidden danger of marriage breakdown.
the husband's attitude is the key to the good or bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
if the husband stands firmly beside his wife, calms her emotions and defuses her mother-in-law's alienation from her wife, the wife will naturally respect her mother-in-law in a peaceful way.
but if the husband is confused and biased towards one side, it will only lead to family conflicts and a mess of life.
in "double-sided glue", Li Juan and her husband have been getting along well with each other since they got married.
but this quiet life was broken when my mother-in-law came.
my mother-in-law's traditional thinking is so serious that she always wants to transform her daughter-in-law with her own way of life, but the rhododendron who has received modern education since childhood cannot accept it at all, so there are constant contradictions between her mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.On the other hand, the husband did not know how to ease the relationship between his mother and his wife, and the family had almost no peace of life. finally, under the instigation of his mother, he made a move to his wife.
some people say that the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often because her mother-in-law has no sense of boundary and is "offside" again and again.
indeed, some mothers-in-law think that their wives should listen to them when they get married, dictate the lives of their sons and wives, and do not understand one truth at all:
before marriage, the children and parents are a family, but after marriage, the husband and wife are the family and are the masters of the new home, and the parents-in-law can only be regarded as guests.
the reason for this is that the husband does not do what he is supposed to do, he neither draws a line for his mother, nor does he reassure his wife.
so in the end, the marriage of two people is stuffed with the grievances of three people, and no matter how good the relationship is, there will be cracks.
different views on parenting
in fact, when many people around me first got married, their world was very harmonious and sweet, but when the baby was born, they disagreed on the issue of parenting, which led to a series of conflicts.
in the TV series "the World of two," Li Wenjia and her husband quarreled when the children had fun and climbed the elevator.
she thinks what the child does is too dangerous and should be taken seriously.
the husband feels that he is too disciplined and can't touch anything at ordinary times, so that the child doesn't know what danger is.
the two people quarreled and dug up their old debts, and the accumulated contradiction finally broke out at this moment.
in fact, very often, the disagreement in the concept of parenting is only a superficial problem, but in fact, the husband and wife have different ideas in many aspects.
when there are no children, some things give in to each other and let it go.
but after having children, those unimportant details become intolerable, perhaps just a word, an expression will trigger a "husband-and-wife war of words."
Children are the ties of a family, but they are also the touchstone, bursting out problems in marriage in the most acute way.
trivia of life
in Zhang ailing's novel Red Rose and White Rose, there is a classic saying:
"if you marry a red rose, over time, the red rose becomes a touch of mosquito blood on the wall, and the white rose still has" bright moonlight in front of the bed ".
if you marry a white rose, the white rose is a grain of rice residue on your clothes, and the red one is still a cinnabar mole on your heart. "
the honey of love allows each other to magnify each other's advantages, even if there are any shortcomings are irrelevant.
but the reality of marriage will break all the beautiful filters, magnify the disadvantages, narrow the advantages, and even bury them for a long time.
once heard the feeling of a friend after divorce, after a long time, two people really seem to be a little tired.
even if you eat face to face, you don't say a word.
I'm fed up with the socks he always leaves on the sofa and the cigarette butts in the flowerpot.
he was tired of seeing my dull and yellowing skin in the same clothes.
obviously there have been days of mixing oil in honey, but in the end, I was defeated by the chicken feathers of life.
the trivialities of life kill love, boredom kills marriage.
but, ah, everyone's days are spent in these trivialities, and no matter how warm the feelings are, they will gradually fade over a long period of time. This is the reality that we have to face.
but the cracks inadvertently created are not irreparable, and marriage is not the grave of love.
as long as two people work hard and work together to get through the hurdle of marriage, they can share the joy of the rest of their lives without fear of wind and rain.