In any relationship, you should have a sense of proportion.
the relationship between people is an art.
sometimes we always think that the closer we get, the more we will deepen our friendship and get closer to each other.
once you lose the scale and degree, it is easy to cause social disasters and disasters.
the friendship between a gentleman and a friend is as light as water
there is a short story.
one day, a young monk asked Master:
"how can I keep a good relationship with my friends?"
Master pointed to a big sky tree in the yard, and then said to the little monk,
"when it is still a seed, you should frequently water and fertilize it, but when its seedlings grow up, you should prune and disinfect it in time.
in fact, making friends is the same as growing trees.
at the beginning of acquaintance, the relationship between each other is very close, but once excessive, there will be clusters of vines, at this time to learn the appropriate distance, lighten the enthusiasm. "
in fact, between true friends, it is not as close as possible.
No matter how good the relationship is, everyone is an independent individual. Only by leaving some space and leeway can we advance and retreat freely and get along comfortably with each other.
actor Chen Daoming once mentioned his concept of making friends in an article.
he said that although he said he didn't like making friends, it was not that he didn't need friends, but that he had different ways of interacting with others.
he felt that when it was time for friends to break their hearts, they were not far away from each other.
even sometimes, his friends tell him so much about his personal affairs that he not only has no interest in listening, but even takes the initiative to stop it.
he has two reasons.
first, this has nothing to do with him, it is useless or even superfluous to him;
the second is that mastering too much of each other's things will make the other person have no way out and no room for retreat.
knowing too many things that you don't need to know will lead to a gap between each other, and even destroy their friendship.
Chen Daoming is more intelligent than cold in making friends.
writer Sanmao once said:
"No matter how intimate friends are, they should not lose their sense of propriety. If they think they are familiar, they will end up in reverse isolation."
in fact, even among best friends, there need to be boundaries.
because knowing too many personal things that are difficult to talk to others and knowing too many secrets about them will cause a lot of psychological pressure to each other.
if the relationship between friends is too strong, they will get bored.
if the relationship is too close, it will get annoying. Only by keeping a proper distance can we feel comfortable and relaxed.
fight against relatives and bear grudges with relatives
in life, many people have a very tangled relationship with their relatives.
for example, you clearly want to fall out, but are afraid of hurting each other's friendship.
you clearly want to cut off contact, but cut off the blood relationship with each other constantly.
especially when you meet relatives who only want to take advantage of you, take advantage of you, and even tell you what to do, it is even more difficult to say, it is hard to say with reason, and it is hard to say with anger.
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in the TV series "years of Burning passion", the protagonist Shi Guangrong is an orphan who grew up in Mushroom Village in his hometown and regarded his neighbors as his relatives.
later, when he was successful in his career and had a good life, his relatives in his hometown came to him one after another, some of which were really simple and kind.
but one of his peers, Dianwen, even brought his three sons to his house in an attempt to kill him under the pretext of catching up on the past.
when Shi Guangrong enthusiastically brought the four of them to his house, they not only ate the sea and drank impolitely, but also ate up all the white noodles and hanging noodles in Shi Guangrong's family.
but also dissatisfied with Shi Guangrong's wife Chu Qin, he not only deliberately sowed discord between them, but also said that Shi Guangrong should not marry a woman like her.
even confidently mentioned that I ate my brother's and drank my brother's. It had nothing to do with Chu Qin, and she had no right to give herself a look.
in fact, once you meet such relatives, it will put you in a dilemma.
you choose antagonism, he thinks you look down on poor relatives, you choose to be patient, and you mess up your life.
Lu Yao was in the ordinary World
, write to a paragraph:
"the love between people does not lie in the beauty and importance of relatives.
when you grow up, you begin to live independently to realize that kinship is often vulgar, try to touch each other, roll your eyes without light, and even the greatest difficulties in your life are often caused by relatives. "
in fact, no matter how good relatives are, they can't get too close.
but the distance between relatives needs to be properly kept away.
you can't hurt people with your colleagues, but you can't guard against them.
in Zhihu, there was a question: why can't we become good friends with colleagues?
there is a direct answer to the point, because there is a stake in each other.
but many times, we always suffer losses and be fooled.After paying the price, we will understand the truth and profound meaning.
I know an acquaintance who used to be promoted to a department manager in her company. at that time, she thought that she must be in this position.
because she had the greatest advantage in terms of working ability and interpersonal relationships, but in the end she regretted losing the election.
at that time, she thought that she had done something wrong and offended the leader, but later, she learned from the leader's secretary that at first the leader also attached great importance to her, but then Xiao Wang, a colleague who was very close to her, took the initiative to find the leader and said she planned to have a second child.
so the leader thought that she might ask for a long leave later, which would delay and affect her work, so she changed to someone else.
in the workplace, it is most taboo to regard colleagues as good friends.
sometimes you talk about everything, which may be a handle on others to betray you.
sometimes your speaking freely may become evidence that others have tripped you.
in the TV series "the Best Flavor of the World is Qinghuan", the hero Ding is encouraged by several colleagues to take the lead to ask the boss for a raise in salary.
and pretended to comfort him and said, Lao Ding, as long as you pick a head, several brothers will follow you, we will resign collectively and see what he will do.
Ding Renjian was a real man. He thought these people really regarded themselves as brothers, so he went to the boss for a theory. After hearing this, the boss lost his temper. Ding Ren immediately added, "everyone wants a raise, and I'm not the only one who thinks so."
then the boss walked out of the office and asked, "who wants to go, raise your hand, I will never stay."
but at this time, these people all bowed their heads and said nothing. In the end, because of their unguarded trust, they lost their jobs to survive.
there is an old saying: "the sea knows the depth of the world, but it is difficult for the human heart to think."
especially in the workplace, no matter how good colleagues are, they can't be easily trusted.
sometimes, you treat each other as a friend, but the other person will treat you as a muzzle.
sometimes you treat the other person as a teammate and the other person treats you as a push.
host Cai Kangyong once said this:
"being too enthusiastic is not a way for a person to maintain a good relationship. It's best to get along with others coldly and keep a sense of distance from the outside world."
in any relationship, you should have a sense of proportion.
keep a glass of water away from friends, light but not greasy, will last long.
make friends with relatives, keep a bowl of soup at a distance, and be in harmony if you don't save the poor.
make friends with colleagues, keep a piece of paper away, prevent people from harming others, and then feel at ease.
, share with your friends.