Good parents have a zipper on their lips and never speak at will.
yesterday, no sooner had I finished my dinner than I received a call from my sister. My sister said hurriedly on the phone: "Daewoo is gone! What shall I do? I looked everywhere, but I couldn't find him. " I asked my sister what was going on. The elder sister said hesitantly: "because of my study, I said a few words to him, and he winked at me unconvincingly. When I was angry, I scolded him, 'how come I gave birth to such a useless thing like you?' I didn't know he couldn't stand it so much that he dropped his chopsticks and ran out. " After hearing my sister's words, I let out a long sigh. The elder sister is like this every time, obviously loves the child very much in the heart, but always uses the very hurtful words to sting the child. But every time I hurt a child, I never look for a reason on myself. The famous psychologist Marshall Luxembourg once said: "maybe we don't think the way we talk is violent, but language does often cause pain for ourselves and others." Very often, parents casually utter a sentence, although it will not leave a scar on the child's body, but it will stick a thorn in the child's heart that is difficult to pull out. What happened to the children who were stabbed by their parents? After reading the following three stories, maybe you will find some answers. The first story comes from Xiaobo, an 11-year-old boy from Zhejiang. Xiaobo's academic performance is very good, never out of the top five of the class. But Po's mother is not satisfied. She often tells Xiaobo: "only when you get good grades can you be looked up to by others." She is very strict with Xiaobo, and often scolds and punishes Xiaobo angrily because of a little mistake and a little retrogression. Some time ago, my mother saw Po playing with his cell phone at home for half an hour in the monitoring. When she got home, she scolded Po for being "unworthy" and "just knowing how to play" and punished him for kneeling in the yard for two hours. No one expected that this would become the last straw to overwhelm Xiaobo. Xiao Xiao resolutely left a letter and ran away from home. The letter reads: "Mom, I'm leaving. Please don't look for me. I know I'm a loser, loser and encumbrance. It hasn't been a day or two to make you angry all these years. Don't worry, I will take the book with me when I leave, study hard, and collect some materials to write the composition. Don't look for me, I will come back by myself. " The words make people sad. An 11-year-old child, who was supposed to be a confident, sunny and energetic teenager, now admits that he is a "loser", "loser" and "encumbrance". A child, who should have been spoiled by his parents, is now trembling to escape from his parents, not forgetting to appease his parents sensible and tell them, "I won't forget to learn." I remember a sentence I once saw: "A sensible child will never forget to love you, but You forget to love yourself. " Every word of scolding from his mother did not ignite hatred in his heart. But every nasty word his mother ever said left a deep scar on his heart. Let him feel vulnerable, self-abased, confused, helpless, make him feel useless, make him feel unworthy of being loved, and completely lose his hope and enthusiasm for the future. The second story comes from a 14-year-old girl with depression. The girl is studying in the number one key high school in the province, and her parents have high expectations of her. As long as the girl's grades do not meet her parents' requirements, she will constantly deny her, ask her, and direct her. After staying in high school, the girl often quarrels with her classmates because she can't handle interpersonal relationships. The girl called her mother for help and told her that she was isolated and bullied. The mother's first reaction was not to care about her child and know the truth, but to start throwing cold water on her: "Why not isolate others, but isolate you?" Once, the girl's mother received a complaint from the head teacher and looked back and scolded the girl fiercely. "it's your own problem to have a bad relationship with every classmate." "can you reflect on yourself!" Later, the girl never called her mother again, but her condition was getting worse and worse: She began to become hysterical, she always unconsciously scratched her fingers, scratching her fingertips all over the wound, she began to refuse to communicate with her mother, she always cried alone in the middle of the night. Until once, when the girl told her mother that she was standing on the teaching building and wanted to jump, the girl's mother panicked and hurriedly took the girl to see a doctor. However, when the doctor diagnosed that the girl was suffering from moderate depression, the girl's mother did not care about the girl's condition, but scolded the girl in disappointment: "how can you be so uneasy when we pay so much to get you into such a good school?" This time, the girl was completely cold to her mother. She shut herself in her room, wrote "I hate Mom" in her diary, and quietly ate a whole bottle of sleeping pills. Teacher Wu Zhihong said: "Home is a harbor, and love is a way out." A child's deepest emotional need is to feel loved. Every child regards his parents as the person closest to him, and every child yearns for the love, understanding and tolerance of his parents. Parents' neglect of their children's emotional needs and parents' indifference to their children's words will not only chill their children's hearts, no longer trust their parents, but also force them into a corner. Those inconsiderate blame, those blurting out complaints, like a sharp knife, completely cut off the connection between parents and children. The third story is the story of a young murderer. When the boy was 12 years old, his parents divorced. From then on, he began to live with his mother, but his mother often abused him: "Why don't you go to hell? You are a pig's brain, a useless loser, and an individual is better than you. " The mother's humiliation, negation, sarcasm and sarcasm filled the boy's heart with anger and shame. He began to agree from the bottom of his heart: I am really a loser, really useless. Until one day, unable to relieve his inner pain, he picked up a knife and frantically stabbed someone weaker than himself. After all, he became the one he hated most. The "curse" his mother put on him became a reality. There is a phenomenon of internalization in psychology: Children will unwittingly believe their parents' negative evaluation of themselves, and turn these extremely bad evaluation into negative evaluation of themselves, living in the shadow of self-humiliation. In other words, the "negative label" that parents put on their children will become a "reaction force" to push their children to develop in a worse direction. Every negative and accusation by parents is a reminder of how unbearable they are. Every blow and insult by the parents is to reinforce the rebellion and anger at the bottom of the child's heart. The more parents dislike their children, the more they will run in the direction of their parents' dislike. There is a saying: Verbal abuse is tantamount to soul murder. Whether a child's life is positive, sunny or negative depends on the parents' thoughts. The above three stories actually correspond to the three levels in which parents hurt their children with words. The first layer: make the child's heart scarred. The second layer: put the parent-child relationship in jeopardy. The third layer: put a "brand" on the child and ruin the child's life. As it says in the Villa of desire: A soft tongue can break a person's bones and muscles, and language is sometimes more hurtful than violence. For parents, it may just be a blurt out of a sentence, but for children, the harm can last a lifetime. Shu Qi once revealed her childhood experience on the program: "I was beaten by my parents and scolded for being ugly. When I saw my parents, I wanted to run away." This bumpy experience made Shu Qi become rebellious, sensitive and self-abased, and lived in the shadow of extreme lack of sense of security all her life. When Jiang Wen was a child, his mother was very strict with him and never gave him a good face. Jiang Wen, who became famous, said in an interview: "I am actually a very unconfident person, because I have never been affirmed by my mother." The lack of affirmation and praise from his mother has become an everlasting pain in Jiang Wen's heart. Li Meijin, an education expert, once conducted a survey of 1000 minors. The results showed that: Children who are often scolded by their parents at home are most likely to have personality defects. 25.7% of the children were "self-abased" and "depressed", 22.1% were cold, and 56.5% were often grumpy. So, there are some things that parents should never say to their children. The child's inner world is sensitive and fragile. Every hurtful word from a parent will plant a seed of pain in the child's heart and affect the child's life. Adele Farber, a famous American child educator, said: "never underestimate the impact of your words on a child's life." Human language can destroy a child and make a child. When Edison was a child, his teacher handed him a folded note and told him to say: "only your mother can watch." After Edison obediently handed the note to his mother, her mother wept as she looked at it. Edison asked her mother: "what did the teacher say?" Mother read it aloud to Edison: "your child is a genius. This school is too small for him. There is no good teacher to train him. Please teach him yourself." However, after Edison's mother died, Edison accidentally saw the letter the teacher wrote to his mother in his mother's wardrobe, which read: "your child is mentally handicapped. We can't let him stay in school. He has been expelled." After reading the letter, Edison burst into tears. Later, he wrote in his diary: "Thomas. Edison was a mentally retarded child, but his mother made him the genius of the century. " I was shocked when I saw this story for the first time. It turns out that there is great potential in every child. Whether children can give full play to their potential depends on whether their parents are full of expectation, love and encouragement. There is a little boy who is often laughed at for stuttering. His mother said to him, " Son, it's because your mouth can't keep up with your smart head. " When the little boy grew up, he became Jack, the former CEO of General Electric. Welch. There is a little girl who likes playing ping-pong very much, and everyone is not optimistic about her. Her father said to her firmly: "you're good, really, believe me." When the little girl grows up, she will be Deng Yaping, the world table tennis champion. A father introduced a little boy to his stepmother and said: "this is the worst boy in the community." The boy's stepmother said softly: "you are wrong. He is not the worst boy in the community, but the smartest boy who has not yet found a place to vent his enthusiasm." When the boy grew up, it was Carnegie who created the 28 Golden rules. Parents' mouths hide the fengshui of their children's life. In the mouth of parents, what kind of person the child is, what the child will become in the future. Parents' watch and expectation can bring endless strength to their children, help them survive the cold winter, survive the thorns and become the best of themselves. Psychology professor Roy Baumeister once pointed out in a blockbuster paper that was cited more than 5300 times: "the bad is stronger than the good, and the negative and the positive do not cancel each other out." A stabbed heart bleeds all his life. The unpleasant words that parents say to their children cannot be offset by sweet words. Therefore, as parents, we must pay special attention to our words and deeds and be careful of every word we say to our children. Language is not only a sharp weapon to comfort the soul, but also a piercing weapon. None of the children can withstand the vicious criticism and abuse of their parents. Good parents have a zipper on their lips and never speak at will. May we all use spring breeze and rain-like tenderness to let children harvest love and happiness in the sun.
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