The rest of my life is very expensive, so please don't be too warm-hearted.
read at ten o'clock
there is such a question on the Internet: "Why are so many warm-hearted people annoying?"
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there is a highly liked answer:
"because what he thinks is warm-hearted is not what others want, but the yoke of language and the kidnapping of morality.
they constantly cross the line with the so-called 'warm-hearted', stinging others without knowing it. "
there is such a kind of people:
they claim to be warm-hearted, but "hide a knife in a smile" without knowing it;
they think they are well-intentioned, but they hurt people in "harmony".
when they begin to become "warm-hearted", "suicidal" socializing begins.
A kind-hearted person who crosses the line is annoying to open his mouth
Wu Zhihong, a famous psychologist, once said: "the weak sense of boundaries is the reason why many emotions have become sharp weapons of injury."
in the Douban group topic "language abuse you experienced", Douyou Lily shared a story:
in her junior year, Lily decided to take an interdisciplinary examination of postgraduates in pedagogy at Beijing normal University.
this is not an easy task for her, because the exam is very difficult and she needs to prepare carefully.
is not a reminder: "Don't always listen to video lessons, read books in order to better absorb the lessons."
is the suggestion: "you'd better not review at night, review at night, can not sleep well, the effect of review is not good!"
or exhort: "I don't think it's necessary for you to cross-major to take a graduate examination. Cross-major is not as good as this major. Why are you looking for trouble for yourself?"
otherwise, it is negative: "I think you have taken a detour. After so many days, I have seen your test paper score so little. You'd better change direction as soon as possible!"
Huahua's pointing made Lily very anxious. She often fell into self-doubt and almost gave up the postgraduate entrance examination.
later, in order to avoid interference, Lily rented an apartment. Without gossip, she was able to prepare for the exam wholeheartedly and was much more efficient. A year later, she was admitted to the target college.
the famous psychologist Marshall Luxembourg once said:
maybe we don't think the way we talk is violent, but language does often cause pain for ourselves and others.
No matter how well-intentioned people say, "I do it for you", they should understand that not to cross the line is not only ethics, but also self-cultivation.
because the boundary between people is like playing chess, once it crosses the boundary, it means the beginning of harm.
kind-hearted people who cross the line may not have a big problem with their intentions, but they always infringe upon other people's autonomy when they open their mouths, constantly expressing outdated views in other people's fields, and nakedly want to blackmail others into echoing you.
you know, the real "for your own good" is not to cross the line, but to exercise restraint; not to point, but to be sincere.
an unconventional warm-hearted heart makes people hate doing things
there is a sentence in the Mask Knight Sword:
"people who don't keep abreast of the times are very annoying, and everyone has privacy that they don't want to be touched."
there is such a scene in the hit drama "everything is fine", which makes countless viewers think that Su Mingyu's boyfriend Shi Tiandong is really annoying:
when Su Mingyu wanted to put aside the chicken feathers brought by his father and brother, his father Su Daqiang suddenly fainted in the bath center and was taken to the hospital.
both brothers criticized Mingyu: "since you have brought your father to live at home, you should take good care of him."
however, Su Mingyu didn't want to bring her father to her side at all. She obviously asked Shi Tiandong to send her father back to her second brother's house.
but Shi Tiandong heard Su Daqiang pitifully express that he was homeless, so he took the initiative and opened a hotel for Su Daqiang without telling Su Mingyu.
was inexplicably charged with failing to take care of his father, and Su Mingyu and Shi Tiandong quarreled in the hospital.
Shi Tiandong admitted that he was really wrong, but he also blamed Su Mingyu:
"you can't be so hard-hearted. He's your father. Can you leave him alone?"
"Su Mingyu, if you can change your temper, can your relationship with your family be like this?"
"I'm doing this for your own good!"
however, his unbridled warmth made Su Mingyu very angry and annoying, and the relationship between the two fell to a freezing point.
Professor Luo Xiang, a professor of criminal law, once said:
"people eventually have to enter a system of rules, which means that it is not out of line to do as one pleases."
people can not just rely on out of line warm-hearted to do everything, do not blindly exceed the rules, do not fantasize too much, timely pain exit, can really achieve the person you want to achieve.
We hate being warm-hearted because the board doesn't hit them and they don't care whether you hurt or not.
they constantly use the so-called "warm-hearted" to break other people's rules, affect other people's lives, and do things that are often boring.
you know, our beautiful world does not need excessive warmth, but appropriate indifference.
the highest level of social interaction: so far, there is a degree of advance and retreat
"Cai Gentan" said: "where the path is narrow, leave one step with the pedestrian; when the taste is strong, reduce the taste by three points."
the most advanced social interaction is up to now.There is a certain degree of advance and retreat.
in a video conversation program, Jin Jing, who has always been warm and funny, said that she is not a person who is keen to make friends with artists.
to this end, she mentioned a past between herself and her idol Big S: not long ago, she had the privilege of recording a variety show with Big S, and the two had a very good time.
so Jin Jing thought she could be a good friend with Big S, so she sent a long "confession" message to Big S.
she is waiting for a reply from Big S, hoping that the other person will be as warm as she is.
however, half a day later, Big S only sent a very short voice: "all right, Jin Jing." Thank you, come on! "
she was very disappointed: "Ah?" Why is that all you're telling me? I've sent so much. "
when we meet in the workplace, Big S just maintains a very polite and polite working relationship with her.
later, she figured it out: maybe being too enthusiastic is a problem for others and a torture for herself.
as Zhou Guoping once said:
A sense of size is a sign of maturity. It knows how to abide by the necessary distance between people, which means respect for each other as an independent personality, including respect for each other's right to be alone.
friends can never get along well with each other if they are too familiar with each other.
Adult socializing, I respect your independence, and you respect my choice. To maintain a balance between each other, to be able to advance and retreat to a certain extent, can be regarded as advanced.
repaying friendship with the right care and insight into the world with the right enthusiasm is worthy of the highest level of social interaction.
it's expensive for the rest of my life, so don't be too "warm-hearted"
Aristotle said: "only at the right time, to the right thing, to the right person, at the right time, in the right way, is the moderate best emotion."
good social interaction is never about bad intentions that don't know how to measure and constantly cross boundaries, but about being upright, having rules in your words and stopping in your actions.
the rest of my life is very expensive, so please don't be too warm-hearted.
I hope you can be a smart and good person with both warm heart and cold head.
May you warm the heart with the right care, and be gripping with insight into the world.
May you socialize objectively, don't overreact, see what other people care about, and know how to make people feel better.
, may we all be liked.