In the circle of friends, there is your circle.
Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist and professor at Oxford University, once proposed a widely spread "circle of friends law", that is, the "Dunbar number" theory, also known as the 150 law. It means that the level of human intelligence can support the upper limit of the number of social networks is 148, which is equal to about 150 people. Because of the limited size of the neocortex, the cognitive ability provided can only be maintained in a stable social network of 150 people. Once this limit is exceeded, it will exceed people's cognitive limit and seriously affect their work and life. The writer Su Cen once said, "you don't have to invite too many people into life." If they can't get into your heart, they will only disturb your life and make it crowded. " I think so. Friends don't need too many, as long as they fall in love with each other. Only by managing your own "circle of friends" can you live a comfortable life without being "crowded". Friends will also be "graded" Leave your energy to someone who is worth it. Some people say: "although Wechat is only a social software, it can often distinguish the level of interpersonal relationships from the moments." On second thought, this is indeed the case. More and more friends are added to Wechat's address book, but few of them are often contacted. When you post a new circle of friends, someone just scratches it and doesn't seem to see it. Whether it is a "like acquaintance" or "comment acquaintance", your friends are graded, distant and close, and a dynamic can be detected. A strange friend has a very close friend who never likes him in the circle of friends, but interacts happily with other friends. As a result, he feels uncomfortable and embarrassed every time he sees them interact. Moreover, I will keep thinking about the reasons why my friends don't like me. Over time, he felt more tired than ever before. As a matter of fact, the reason why A Qi's good friend doesn't like him is that he is not in the friend's special attention. When people get along with each other, it is not because you regard others as good friends, but others will put you in the same position. There is a "grooming" theory in psychology. It means that in a group of monkeys, the way monkeys express intimacy is to comb their companions' hair. However, grooming takes up a lot of monkeys' time, with each monkey spending about 10% of its time. If you need to manage too many intimate relationships, there is not enough time to comb and maintain the relationship. Therefore, we should leave our limited energy to our friends in our circle of friends to "comb our hair". To grade your friends in your moments is not to be indifferent, but to share your life with the people you care about. As Cai Kangyong once said: "things that have nothing to do with me don't bother me. I have to leave my energy to the people who are important to me." Only by giving priority to your friends and leaving your energy to important people, your life will not be so tired. Friends also need boundaries. Don't get too close. I once saw a hot topic on Weibo: "Why did you delete moments?" Below, a high praise replied: "I'm afraid that after expressing my feelings in moments, others will intrude into their own private domain." Sometimes we post on moments just to vent our emotions, but it often causes more "trouble". I have seen such a video. A boy broke up with his girlfriend who had been in love for many years, and after tossing and turning, he posted a circle of friends: "Unfortunately, it's not you for the rest of my life." After sending it, he felt that it was not quite right, so he deleted it immediately. But I was still seen by my friends. Some people asked him why he broke up, others congratulated him on being single again, and said he didn't think his girlfriend was good enough for him. Some people even want to introduce him to a new girlfriend. This made him, who was already very uncomfortable, even more uncomfortable. When we are alive, we have more or less experienced the darkest moments in our lives, and we have also had the idea of wanting to share them with others. But unluckily, some things are helpless and difficult to speak, while some things are scars that can not be uncovered to others and can only be carried by themselves. As Hesse once said: "We come from the same abyss, but everyone is running to their own destination, trying to jump out of the abyss. We can understand each other, but we are the only ones who can interpret ourselves. " Therefore, if you find that your friends have deleted your moments, don't ask questions and give him some personal space. A few months ago, Liu Yifei said in a magazine that she had not updated her moments for nine years. The reason why she does not update her moments is not because she has lost her desire for sharing. Instead, you don't want others to interfere with your life too much, and you want to have your own spiritual habitat that will not be disturbed. In the psychological distance in interpersonal communication, there is an effect called "hedgehog effect". It refers to the phenomenon that hedgehogs get close to each other to keep warm when it is cold, but keep a certain distance so as not to stab each other. It's the same with people. If you are too close, it is easy to cross the boundary and cause unhappiness, while if you are too far apart, it is easy to get rusty and get farther and farther away. The best distance is that we stay together, do not speak, but also feel very beautiful. There is a long way to go in life. Please put aside your curiosity and don't pry into the secrets your friends can't tell. Leave some distance and space for each other, and just accompany each other silently. Make friends with the best of yourself There is no need to delve into the past. Zhang Xiaolong, founder of Wechat, once said in a speech: "there are more than 100 million people who have set up a moments to be visible for three days." What on earth is the reason why these 100 million people set their moments to be visible for three days? I once read a netizen's diary on Douban. Netizens said that in the past, she did not set the number of visible days in her moments. Until one day, after she added a client to her moments, she decisively set her moments to be visible for 3 days. It turned out that the new client liked her moments a few years ago, left a message, and took the initiative to talk about her past. All of a sudden, she realized that her past was exposed to her clients without concealment. As a result, when she thought of docking with clients in the future, she was so embarrassed that she didn't know how to deal with herself, so she decided to set her moments to be visible for three days. There is a line in Kung Fu Panda: "yesterday has become the past, and the future is full of possibilities." Most of the time, what is shared in moments is only the mood at that time, and only the moment of posting is meaningful. After the passage of time, looking back, that kind of mood has long since disappeared. To lock up your past moments is not to feel how bad you were in the past. However, some of the past do not have the heart to delete, but do not want to allow new friends to participate too much. Just want to give the joys and sorrows of the past, add a lock, let the past stay in the past forever. What's more, things change rapidly, and people will grow upward. The cognition of the present is already different from that of the past. We may not like the things we liked in the past, but we may gladly accept the people and things that we could not accept before. Walking in the world, we all hope to use the best side to make friends and meet like-minded people. When you grow up, your friends are also quietly changing, those who understand you will accompany you, and those who do not understand you will quietly exit. For the rest of my life, I have nothing to do to improve myself and strive to become a better self. When you are good, you can meet friends who are equally good. In the moments, there is your circle. There is a saying: "time divides people into one circle after another. Only those who always stand in the same circle with you can become friends you can protect for life." I fully agree with this. A few days ago, a friend confided a very warm thing to me. She said that since graduating from college, friends who talk to each other very much have gone their separate ways for a variety of reasons. At every party, someone is always absent and rarely get together happily. But once, when she was far away from home, she just posted a message on moments that wanted to eat the specialty of her hometown. Unexpectedly, other friends indicated that they wanted to send her special products under this moments. At this time, she suddenly realized that although many of them had not seen each other for a long time. But no matter how busy they are at work, they will interact with each other in their circle of friends as if they had never been separated. In many cases, a like or comment in moments brings us closer not only to our hearts, but also to our relationship. In fact, moments is a large social occasion that surrounds common friends in a circle. Posting moments is like friends sitting together and chatting in a circle, and one of them shares his or her life. Common friends can interact with each other by giving likes and comments to keep the relationship flowing. And mutual friends who never participate in interaction will drift away from each other because of the passage of time. It's like a saying in the collected works of the Mid-levels: "only when I get older do I know that what is defeated by the years is nothing but hypocrisy and hypocrisy. Really, it will always survive. " In the circle of friends, there is your circle. It lets us know that true friendship can stand the test of time, and the flower of friendship will not wither easily. It makes us understand that even though we are apart, we miss each other. It makes us feel at ease, because no matter how hard life is, we still have friends with us. The rest of your life is not long, cherish those mutual friends who can still interact with each other in the circle of friends. ▽ Writer Jia Pingwa said: "the circle of friends is actually the world of your life, and your struggle for fame and profit is the history of friends' good and evil." The world is very big, the population is very large, it is difficult to meet, it is even more difficult to intersect. Therefore, we should learn to divide our friends into different levels and leave our energy to those who are worth making deep friends. Know how to leave some space and room for yourself outside the circle of friends, so that you won't be tired to get along with each other. Understand that while respecting the past, we should constantly improve ourselves and meet better friends. In the years to come, may you learn to manage your own circle of friends and share the wonderful time of your life with your friends in the circle. Share with your friends.