What on earth is the more important thing in a relationship?
Lao Zhang has a habit of saving photos in the online disk every time he changes a mobile phone, so there are tens of thousands of photos in the disk since junior high school.
not long ago, when Lao Zhang's girlfriend was flipping through her mobile phone, she accidentally found this online disk, and it exploded as soon as she saw it, because the photos of Lao Zhang's previous girlfriends were put in it.
the girl was so angry that she pointed to Lao Zhang's nose and said, "if you want them to get back together so much, what's the point of keeping pictures and staring at them every day?"
they had a big fight that day, and the girl even said that they would break up without deleting the photos.
Lao Zhang was also very aggrieved when he told me about this matter, saying that he hated being turned over his cell phone in the first place. He finally took a step back after many quarrels, and ended up quarrelling over something new.
"besides, I don't have any thoughts about my ex-girlfriend, but I have a habit of storing memories, which is also part of my life experience. Why do I have to delete it?"
so I came up with the lines of the Quartet: "when people get along with others, they either have to be in tune with their values, or they have to be measured, otherwise it's hard to go on."
then said to Lao Zhang: "obviously, you are out of tune with her on the issue of not flipping through your phone and whether to delete photos. If you want to get along well, make a compromise."
"then why do I have to compromise? can't she compromise?"
I shook my head and smiled. I couldn't help saying that he was childish and added, "then break up."
at this time Lao Zhang shut up again. I know he doesn't want to give up a relationship because of this kind of thing.
Huang Zhizhong said a point of view: "whether a person is valuable or not depends on whether his principles are valuable and can be adhered to."
but I want to put it another way: in fact, how important a thing is to yourself depends on how much you can break the principle of multi-value for it.
it's not that I don't understand Lao Zhang. I know that no one likes to be turned over their phones.
I hate more than anyone that all my secrets are naked in front of others. In junior high school, I even ran away from home because my letters were peeked by my family.
when it comes to privacy, I can make sense of all kinds of reasons.
I remember that when I was just with the eel whale, every time she picked up my phone, I was like an electric shock, anxious to get it back, otherwise I would feel sick all over, without sense of security.
it's not that there's anything shady in it. I just don't want to be spied on.
We quarreled about this many times, and later it even seriously affected our daily relationship, wasting a lot of time and energy on it every day, I have to admit that this is a very pointless thing.
so I stopped defending my phone and pretended to be generous to let her go through mine.
but at that time, I still thought it was a "sacrifice". I was sacrificing my sense of security for her sense of security.
until something happened later.
I am a boy who likes to play games, but she is not, so every time I open Arena of Valor or hearth on my mobile phone, she frowns and asks me unhappily, "is it so boring to be with me?"
at that time, she didn't like me playing computer games because she wondered if I had lost interest in her and wanted to play games because I was bored.
when I communicated with her once, I told her: "Boys playing computer is like girls who like to buy clothes. It will not change from 10 to 80 years old. This is a kind of demand."
since then, she has stopped messing with me about playing computer games. Although she still doesn't like it very much, she always says proudly, "talk after you play, so that other people will not be reported."
I thought at first that luckily she understood my love for games, but later when I talked about it, she told me:
"even if you say that, I still don't like you playing games. But it's not a big deal to think about it. I don't want to affect the relationship between two people. It's not necessary."
in fact, her tolerance for me does not depend on "understanding", but that she is more willing to put up with me playing games for a while than to quarrel and break up.
the line I remember most in "Chunjiao Jiuzhiming" is what Chunjiao's brother said: "it's not easy for two people to maintain a good relationship. Don't destroy it because of what you did or didn't do."
in fact, this sentence doesn't just mean what we should do or not do for the sake of the stability of a relationship.
it's more about expressing a "measure"-"destroying a relationship" and "whether or not to do something". Which is more important?
Privacy, which was originally my principle in the past, is a very important thing, but I choose to give up this principle rather than break up with her.
I used to play games, which she didn't like before, but she chose to give way to me rather than make me unhappy.
because people pay for the future, not the past, these things are less important than the future of two people.
whether it's flipping through your mobile phone, deleting photos, playing games, or all kinds of trivial things in life, it's all the same.
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but is the damage caused by an affair by one party much more important than the future of two people?
this article is not written to tell people in love, "Oh, you show her your cell phone" or "Oh, just let him play games," or to make bottomless concessions and compromises for love.
but I want everyone.When faced with a dilemma, think about which of the so-called choices is more important than the future of two people.
if privacy is more important to you, break up.
but if you think it's less private than parting, have a good chat with her and say, "you can check my phone, but I'll tell you, I'll feel uncomfortable."