Those who dare not say "I'll be busy first" are not friends.
I have seen a popular Weibo post before. after the two people's relationship broke up, one of them typed "you go first" into the chat record, and more than 60 related records popped up. Someone said: "emotional rupture occurs after 'you are busy' again and again."
"you go first" seems to be a curse, and people around them begin to care about how many conversations they have been killed because they are "busy" as a criterion to judge how important they are in the other person's heart.
I silently feel guilty, even a little flustered.
because this is the state between me and my best friend Ah Kang.
when I think of the lethality of the phrase "I'm going to be busy", I can't help but sweat for the revolutionary friendship between me and Ah Kang, because we always say this to each other, and I say it a lot.
sometimes in a conversation for several days in a row, without saying a few words, I just said, "I'm busy. I'm going to write a manuscript, or I don't have to talk about something urgent."
and Ah Kang is very interesting every time. Once I don't reply, or tell him "I'm busy", he will leave a game "go, go", and then don't say another word.
maybe it was because I was used to his goodness. Late one night I was surprised to find that I didn't reply to his message four days ago.
and flip up the chat record, he was almost alone in browsing the screen for a period of time.
is he sad? I asked him. He did.
I joked: "are you desperate?"
his original words were: "it's desperate, but what can I do?" Forgive you, of course. "
it's just that no matter how "desperate" it is, Akang will never show a little bit of unhappiness.
that's why, when I'm so busy with something, I don't have to distract what little energy I have left and wonder if he will feel bad.
I not only say "busy" myself, but also take the initiative to ask him to be "busy".
one day I posted a "terrible" moments. Let me talk to him. He stamped his feet angrily: "I'm rehearsing with people in the club."
when I see the flash at the top of the screen, "the other party is typing …" Although I was really sad at that time, I sent a message: "it's not a big deal. You can talk about it later. You go first."
at this time, the other party is typing before stopping.
it wasn't until the next morning that he ran over as if he remembered something and asked me unpretentiously, "what happened last night, Chicken?"
I like him very much that he dares to be busy when I ask him to be busy.
there are many times when we have an awkward situation when we chat with people-we are obviously busy, but we are afraid to spoil each other's fun, so we have to chat reluctantly.
so I'm glad.
A Kang and I can say "I'm going to be busy first" without any scruples, or we can understand each other's "busy" and wait quietly at the other end of the screen.
I have been wondering why I or Ah Kang have never been discouraged by the phrase "nothing, you go first".
after going through our chat notes carefully, I found an interesting thing.
A Kang is sudden in every private chat, either because of a complaint or because of some small accident, and I always look for him at some unexpected time, when I eat alone, when I hang out alone.
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the cause of every chat is sudden and unreasonable, and there is never a fixed point in time.
Yes, our conversations are always strangled by being "busy", but we also start chatting actively. Therefore, we will not let each other's dialogue and relationship be completely "busy" to death.
now I look back at those people who are very helpless "you are busy first". It is often because the other person seems to have died on the way to work after the other person has said that he or she is busy.
so, it's not that "you're busy first" will ruin your relationship, but that person doesn't care about you in the first place. You, on the other hand, were frightened by the relationship from the beginning.
when you start to mind the words "I'll get busy" or "you go first", you've alienated each other.
after all, the real intimacy is
"even if one day, as the popular Weibo says, you really die on your way to work, I will rush to collect your body."
what really measures a relationship is not how many times the other person says "I'll be busy first", but whether you dare to keep each other busy.