But at least it was with you. It was great.
many people ask me how to get out of the sudden lovelorn, how to face the alienation of good friends, and even how to face those silent death.
it's all about "saying goodbye" and "leaving", both of which we've never been good at.
this little thing I wrote here tonight is part of my understanding of saying goodbye and leaving.
I hope you can see the end patiently.
I have always hated my dormitory.
in the primary school next door, its Monday lie-in is woken up by the flag-raising ceremony; it is in such a strange terrain that it has to go in a circle to the opposite canteen; it is still so dilapidated that paint will fall off as soon as the perfunctory green railing is knocked.
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in my difficult dormitory building, the only setting that can satisfy me is the commissary downstairs.
it satisfies all my fantasies about laziness.
when I woke up at ten o'clock on weekends, there was no breakfast in the canteen, but bread and vitamin milk could still be bought in the snack bar; I loved snacks but didn't bother to stock up, and I could go downstairs to buy a bag of potato chips when my mouth itched; I stayed up until 01:30 with nowhere to look for food, but luckily there were hot dogs on the grill of the snack bar.
when it's time for midnight snacks, some old friends in the class will send a message in the group, "Let's go to the snack bar?" Then several people went downstairs and ate leisurely while blowing water with the boss.
it is not without shortcomings, the goods are monotonous, five floors away from me, but I always think it is good, everything is good.
every time I get hungry at one or two o'clock, I go downstairs to buy a hot dog and think: luckily I still have it.
I always thought this commissary would stay with me until graduation, but when Ching Ming Festival this year, the school issued a notice saying that it would close all the dormitory buildings.
when I ran downstairs, I saw the "half price clearance" sign hanging on the door.
I'm a little sad and angry, because I can't stand what I've been used to for three years. All of a sudden, it's gone.
the boss said that as soon as the Qingming Festival holiday is over, the school will lose power completely.
I ordered a bottle of vitamin milk and walked gloomily to the dormitory.
when I got to the corner of the staircase, I saw the boss leaning against the door, his eyes looking blankly ahead, and next to his head was the half-price clearance sign.
I can see that the boss, like me, doesn't want to end everything in such a hurry.
at noon the day after the holiday, the commissary was dark and the boss was still leaning against the door. The atmosphere was somewhat depressing.
when I went shopping, the boss stuffed me with some daily necessities for free. He said he was leaving tomorrow.
it's sad, because I'm used to its steamed buns at 10: 00 in the morning and hot dogs at 2: 00 in the morning. I don't know if I can get used to the rest of life after it's gone.
and what's even more sad is that no matter how much I don't want to end like this, I can't make any effort to get anything back.
but everyone's adaptability is beyond their imagination.
yesterday I was not feeling well. I didn't order takeout until I got up at more than three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went downstairs to pick up dinner, I inadvertently passed the snack bar which had been closed for almost a month.
I'm a little stunned.
before, when it was still open, I would not order takeout, but would choose to buy bread or instant noodles to fill my stomach.
in the past few seconds, I suddenly found that after the snack bar closed, I was not as unaccustomed as I thought. On the contrary, I was better off than before.
because there are no steamed buns at ten o'clock, I begin to get up early or prepare breakfast in the dormitory and eat better than before; because I can no longer buy snacks at any time, I have formed the habit of hoarding snacks, which is cheaper than before; because there are no midnight snacks any more, so I began to try to have an early rest.
the new habit is so natural that I don't even think of the snack bar I was thinking about before. Only when the snack is almost finished will I suddenly feel that I wish it were still there.
I still like the snack bar that satisfies my laziness, but I find that it doesn't seem to be all right without it.
each of us will have the idea of "fortunately you are here, what to do without" to some people or things, because of such emotions, we always have two misunderstandings when facing farewell.
first, we think that if we work hard, we can leave something behind.
in the face of parting, we will not give up, so we will make desperate efforts, thinking that this will save something.
but the reality is like the "suspension notice" issued by the school, no matter how much my boss and I are reluctant to give up, he and I can't compete with the school's notice, and efforts can't change anything.
there are many similar "suspension notices" in life, such as death, such as strangers, such as the distance between two places, such as you don't love me.
so I wish you would stop foolishly asking why I work so hard, but nothing can be undone.
the second is that we thought leaving would make everything worse.
I don't know if you have found that the farewell that scares us is actually our dependence.
just as I rely on breakfast midnight snacks at the snack bar,
some people rely on his considerate companionship;
some people rely on his guidance and care;
some people rely on his mischief.
this dependence will become a habit, and life will be like a new habit I finally formed, as long as you are willing to change, nothing is irreplaceable, really.
in the end, you will find that we slowly come out of the process of our habitual dependence, which is maturity.
so stop foolishly staying where you are.
leaveIn the future, what you should do is not to remember, but to find your next habit.
you, it's time to try to grow up a little. Good night.