There are a few days every month, I feel like a loser.
Do you suddenly find that no matter how hard you try, it seems to be useless?
since February last year, I have been repeating one thing every day, sending in my resume.
at that time, I opened my eyes every day and took a numb look at the processing of my resume. If it showed that I didn't pass, I would pack up the new portfolio and continue to submit it.
after repeating this action for more than two months, I didn't even get an interview.
and my mindset has changed from "how can I be so good that no one wants" to "it doesn't matter, I will pass next time", and then to the final "Oh, I didn't pass again", and then press the button to send my resume.
now think about it, that time was really damned.
more than 60 resumes did not receive the interview notice;
80% pass rate of assistant class interview was brushed out;
7 large and small competitions, zero promotion rate.
I have prepared and worked hard for every one of these things.
but in the face of countless failures, I have to think of "am I a loser?"
because for me, achieving nothing is not the biggest setback.
everything that is done seriously fails, and that is the real defeat.
but at that time, the people around me were too shining.
the assistant has won the national scholarship for four years.
"I have enough scholarship for my freshman year to repay my tuition for two years" is her original words. As for her internship with a salary of 8k in her sophomore year, various programs in her junior and senior year, and postgraduate programs, I am used to it.
friend A won the national competition; friend B went on the show with Tencent Ali's offer; friend C in his hand, and turned down a job with a monthly salary of 9k in front of thousands of viewers.
looking back at my resume, I have achieved nothing and poor grades. Apart from being good-looking, the only two titles are "propaganda ministries" and "psychological liaison".
after listening to my brothers share my interview experience one day, I posted a circle of friends saying, "I really want to be a fat man in one bite."
friends play all kinds of jokes under the comments.
but they don't know that that circle of friends actually hides all my sense of powerlessness.
although I am still working hard, this effort has never come to an end.
I'm afraid I've always been a loser.
until October, I accidentally received my first interview notice-disorganized.
but just when I thought this would be a turning point in my life, the first manuscript of
was changed six editions, rejected and rewritten three times.
the manuscript that I finally sent out after working so hard, I read tens of thousands of eel whales and appreciated hundreds of fewer thorns.
at that time, I took a walk with Lao Yan, sighed and asked him, "has there ever been a moment when you suddenly found yourself a loser?"
"there is no such desperate moment." Old Yan paused and continued, "because I have always admitted that I am a loser."
this sentence left me standing still, and I soon realized one thing: every failure makes me feel painful because I think too highly of myself.
I thought I could handle all kinds of competitions and interviews, but now I think I'm so good that I can easily surpass the editors.
when the people around me are better than each other, I suddenly feel that I should be like them. Just like the sentence "someone can always win, why not me", I think I deserve the halo of the protagonist.
the fact that I don't want to admit that I can't be that strong is the root cause of all my irritability.
at the end of that night, Lao Yan asked me, "someone is going to lose, why can't you?"
Our evening gowns for older ladies are created by impeccable tailoring and everlasting elegance. Why don’t you pick the cheap but high quality dress?
I didn't answer him because I couldn't.
people have two attitudes towards the conclusion that they are a loser.
the first is: "I don't listen, I don't listen, as long as I work hard, it will be all right."
the second is: "Oh, is that so? okay, I see."
I am the second one.
at that time, I was killed three times a day, totaling 10,000 words, so that a thorn said to me sheepishly, "this article is still not very good."
I had to comfort him in turn: "it doesn't matter, I know."
after all, I have accepted that I am a loser. For waste wood, failure is a common occurrence, and it is not worth being sad.
it's just that after I accept this fact, I will still be unconvinced.
so when all the facts told me that I was bad, I secretly told myself, "now that I'm already a loser, let's be a more delicate loser."
this mindset has only one benefit: it saves a lot of time wasted on emotions. So I can always rub my face, continue to read without sorrow or joy, and continue to write manuscripts.
I've been thinking about how I survived that stage. Now I think about it, probably after every failure, I will comfort myself: "it's all right, I'm not dead, I still have a chance to fail again, and I can fail a few more times."
so much so that later, when I wrote 100, 000 plus and got my favorite game company offer, my first reaction was not to be happy, but: "it seems that the cost of failure is higher."
what the loser needs to learn is not how to win, but how to face the endless defeat.
so if you feel like a loser at the moment, please try to cheer up.
because in the days to come, you will realize again and again the fact that "I really seem to be a fucking loser".
you'll get used to it, and so will youYou may not win, but don't throw in the towel. Good night.