The third anniversary of chaos.
A year ago, I was just a disorganized reader, and my favorite author at that time was Tong C.
at that stage, I deleted the Wechat of the people I liked, numbly sent a resume that would never be notified, and succeeded in bringing down the school studio and leading a useless life.
in my nearly four-month black life, I click on messy articles every day-I see a group of people here who lead a bad life as much as I do.
they are a group of very sad people.
they all have people they don't like, friends they can't find, and failures.
but in those sad stories, I got the courage to hold on.
they are extremely depressed, but they can always inadvertently give me a reason to face those bad lives, and it always gives me the idea that "it's not easy for everyone, let's cheer together."
A year later, the eel whale opened a new account, Tong C got sick and rested, and Yuanxia and I joined in chaos, but everyone remained the same, everyone was still depressed, and we still liked to talk about our lousy lives.
Today is the third anniversary of chaos.
I asked them, "what was the most difficult time in these three years?" How did you get through it? "
everyone's answer came as a surprise. What I want to share with you tonight is the most difficult funeral in three years of chaos and how we got through it.
there are benefits at the end of the article. Say good night first.
@ eel whale
late one night during the summer vacation last year, I bought the earliest air ticket with Jingshi and Tong c, and went to Shanghai as soon as possible. As soon as we got off the plane, we had a fight at the airport over the draft, and the journey got off to a bad start.
one night at the Youth Travel Service, we seriously considered disbanding and even talked about what kind of job we would look for after the dissolution.
an idea popped up during the chat and decided to travel separately and figure out what you really want to do.
the next day, Tong c returned to Dongguan, the thorns stayed in Shanghai, and I went to Suzhou alone.
on the day I visited the Suzhou Museum, my computer was placed in a disorganized canvas bag, along with other sundries, crushing the inner screen because it was squeezed.
in the evening I sat at the gate of Suzhou Railway Station and turned on the computer. It was a broken inner screen.
what is it like to break the inner screen? The appearance is intact, the screen is still thin and smooth, but it is really broken, the desktop can only see a small corner, much like our situation at that time.
then I burst into tears, but what I was anxious about was not that I was poor enough that I didn't have 1500 yuan to change the inner screen, but that I had a good inspiration, but I couldn't write that day's article.
I just realized that it's not that I don't like writing. I just forgot how to like writing. We don't want to give up clutter, we just hate that we can't make it better.
then I went back to school and continued to write. No one asked each other what happened on the solo journey. We tacitly forgot that night and never said "forget it."
@ Zhang Jingshi
Tong c told me that the day after she suffered from depression, I ran home from the dormitory.
I hid at home for a whole week because I didn't know how to tell others about it, and most of all, I didn't know how to tell myself.
I always think that I must have something to do with her depression.
if I hadn't recruited her into chaos a year and a half ago, if I hadn't asked her to write, if I hadn't said she didn't write well, maybe she wouldn't have fallen into anxiety and depression.
I know this logic is bullshit, but if you, like me, have seen the people around you get hit hard in life, and there is nothing you can do about it, you may feel sorry for him, too.
so I felt so guilty at that time that I suspected that I was suffering from depression.
like the hero in the movie, I will stare at the garbage dump motionless, sleep until 11: 00 or 12: 00 in the morning, then walk around with my computer on my back, and then stare at the blank WORD for dozens of minutes.
I even think of Tong C's depression with my popular science, and then match the details of my life one by one to prove: "I am also sick because I feel too guilty."
but in fact, I know I'm not sick.
because in my past life, there have been so many "sharp turns" like this that my ability to resist attacks has long been better than that of my peers. I can completely pull myself out, look at the "illness", and then analyze one, two, three, four.
but I have to pretend to be sick again, because if I don't, I'll be stuck in my heart.
I had a very wrenching and disgusting time in those days.
how it got better in the end, in fact, I don't know. All I remember is that one afternoon, Tong c finally showed up in our office, and I asked her, "how have you been?"
she said, "it's so boring. I want to go back to work during the summer vacation."
I froze for a moment, stopped my typing hand and said, "I've been waiting for you for a long time."
in November 2016
@ far Summer
on that day, I lost my status as lead singer of the band.
at that timeI just joined the mess, but I was slapped 13 times a week. I wrote a topic of several hundred words for four hours and seven editions, only to be told that none of them could be used.
that day, I lost my naive fantasy about writing.
like eel whales for a long time, but kept ambiguous for a long time, delayed the courage to express their love, until finally eel whales took the initiative to tell me, "Let's forget it."
that day, I lost my favorite girl.
after all the pressure and suffering have been endured for a long time, I drank a lot of wine on the night of team building on November 11 and completely forgot what happened that night.
the thorn said that I was crying and vomiting while holding the toilet and shouting, "you know what?" People who like me can get to the ring road from here, but I only like her. "
you may not believe it, as if luck began to change from the drunkenness of that night.
although I am no longer the lead singer of the band, I have stepped onto the stage of college speeches because of my writing. Although I am still occasionally killed, I have really become one of the pillars that have been disorganized.
and the girl named eel whale I liked has been with me for more than half a year now.
"it seems to be back to the old days", I just said this to my friend.
received Zepeng's Wechat at lunch. Let's write a paragraph about the third anniversary. When I was about to lie down and play with my phone the night before last, I received thorn's Wechat, "where are you? can you write an article about Mother's Day together?"
this familiar feeling, suddenly received Wechat suddenly want to open the document day, long time no see.
Zepeng's hint is "the hardest stage in three years". I wonder, is it tough for me? I don't think so, even a little ashamed. I am a person who has no responsibility.
when there are only thorns, eel whales and me, thorns are our writing guides, and eel whales do both video and writing. I just have to write in a down-to-earth manner. Later, Zepeng and Yuanxia came, and I took a long rest. Zepeng and Yuanxia took turns to update almost every day, and I was only a reader.
I don't think I'm qualified to say, "I'm hard and hard."
although I was once scolded by thorns when I was writing "Literature and Art and inspiration from pain", "Why did you write so hard?" I don't want to force you to do anything unhappy! " .
then type in tears and reply to him, "my idea is wrong." He also discussed with the eel whale at the station in Shanghai, "otherwise, I will quit after these few days of travel."
it seems that those moments were hard for me, too.
but now that I'm in the same state where I didn't ask so much, I find that those "tough" moments are not because "I feel bad in chaos," but because I can't find my own rhythm.
I think it's good to be busy. I think if you stick to it, there will be a day out. But I didn't expect that what I did was wrong, and it would only be even more wrong to stick to it.
so I don't have a hard time, because it's hard to do something I like, maybe it's because you're not at the right pace.
I don't know if you've noticed that there is another month on everyone's name, which represents their hardest time.
when I received the most difficult copywriting for this group of people, I secretly noted the time for them.
I found that it was everyone's "hardship" that made up the new year.
Thank you in front of the screen too.
it's you who make our suffering meaningful.
and if your life is still bad at the moment, don't be afraid, we've been bad all the way, and we'll be with you all the way.
until one day your life shines and you no longer need us. Good night.
Let's insert a message of "third Anniversary".
activity name: fake grass concert
Catching every eyes with our stunning collection of red ball gown dress. Buy our tons of options in every style now.
activity time: 20:00-22:30 on the evening of May 20th
attendees: disorganized editorial Department and warm Men Department all
on the 520 day, we will have the following links:
1. First of all, the singer of the Lawn Concert opened for everyone to play and sing,
2. Then enter the impromptu freedom section, welcome to solo.
(in this free session, you can sing for us the song you've always wanted to sing to someone, or sing your heart to someone in the audience, sing your favorite song, or say "hello" to us. )
3. Pick a song and sing a chorus
We have always wanted to have a real free concert, and on the third anniversary we finally have a chance to achieve it. In addition to the concert area, there will be an area where you can hook up and chat on your own, and you can also hook up with editors or people you like.
I have talked about Vitasoy so many times. On the third anniversary, I will give you 300 bottles of Vitasoy on the day of the event.
if you want to come to the concert, please add Alai's WeChat account (scan code or add WeChat account zlwz13267315404) to pull you into the group, where you can get a traffic guide and a password to get Vitasoy. If it rains that day, it will be changed to study.Other places on campus)